Sheesh, I’m Blushing…

I’ve been given a nod, a kudos, a pat on the back, and most importantly a “keep it up.” While it’s definitely true that I write this blog not so much caring that others read but it has been awesome to get private messages telling me how my stories & craziness has helped them in some way. Makes my heart a little warmer and bigger (Visualize the Grinch with me please 😉 My friend, Allison, over at Funny Shade of Green has bequeathed unto me a Liebster Award! In the spirit of paying-it-forward, bloggers all around the interwebs encourage newbies like me to keep writing and spread the word about up and coming blogs like Giggles & Goodness. A big blushing thanks to Goose & Allison (seriously, subscribe to this blog…I’ve learned so much!!)

So now it’s my turn to spur on some rockin’ writers that I’ve come to love:

1. Remember to Breathe: Written by Cassie Husby, this blog will literally have you cheering and praying all at the same time! Cassie is a wife to Husby as I call him, and momma to Laila (who has the greatest curly hair ever…I’m so jealous of a little kid’s hair!). Cassie battles Cystic Fibrosis and blogs about her struggles & triumphs…and her bucket list! Yes, a bucket list but it’s AWESOME! She’s checking things off left and right and I LOVE reading about it.

2. Little House in the Big City:Britt Schwartz is a new friend of mine from a momma’s group down here in Fort Myers. She is a loving Christian momma who is sharing her excitement as she preps for her home birth after having 2 C-sections. She’s a wealth of knowledge and I can’t help but be excited for her as I read her updates and watch her little baby bump grow! Landon is set to make his appearance around Thanksgiving and following Britt’s blog will give you the ins and outs of homebirthing!

3. To Sleep or Not to Sleep…: I met Jackie 8 years ago (holy moly guacamole…8 years!!!) when I was a newbie teacher at my first call in Maitland, FL. Jackie’s husband was the teacher in the very next classroom and without Jackie & Brian’s help and advice…I surely wouldn’t have survived those first few teaching years. Jackie & Brian have two beautiful and growing kiddos. Jackie journals about her ups and downs getting the help and support they need for their son, who has been diagnosed with autism. It brings tears to my eyes to read the major triumphs that Christian has and gives me lots to pray about when the lows come around. Read Jackie’s blog and you will learn so much about the world of autism. You will be hooked…trust me.

4. Momnmy Stuff: Sarah is the most down-to-earth-but-focused-on-heaven mommy I know. She has a way of saying just the right thing at the right time and her perspective and focus on her Savior is something I want to have so desperately. She’s only written a few entries and this is my sly way of telling her to write more…because I need more! Sarah, for all of us, please teach us, yoda!

5. Natural Momma in an Unnatural World: Joylynn is new friend of mine from the interwebs who lives literally 10 minutes from me. She is mommy to an almost one-year-old little blessing. She writes from the heart in a way that just makes you feel like you’ve known her forever. She and I have found that we have lots in common, most importantly that we are striving to raise faith-filled little Christian kiddos. Keep on writing, Miss Joylynn…it always helps!

And now…the next part of the deal is that I write five random factoids about myself. This might be the hardest part of this whole post…what to tell, what to tell???

1. I still have my Rainbow Brite bedsheets from 1984. If I slept in a twin bed, I’d still be using them.

2. I dress my dog up in the “winter.” She likes sweaters…she’s not a big fan of the ginormous bow we put on her last Christmas.

3. I’ve so far made it through half of my courses towards my Masters degree in Reading Education. However, since birthing my sweet little Laura, I’m leaking brain matter. I don’t think at this point in time I could put together a coherent academic sentence in order to finish…we shall see…

4. I LOVE The Office (U.S. version) and shamefully I tear up every time Jim & Pam get married. And I say “every time” because I have watched the first 6 seasons…repeatedly.

5. I two OCD tendencies that I will now admit: First, I have to have the toilet paper with the roll coming over top. I’ll even switch it in bathrooms that are not in my house. Secondly, I rearrange the gum in the checkout aisles so the packs are all facing the same way. I know…I have issues. You don’t need to say it 😉

Now to those 5 fabulous bloggers I listed above, you have a little bit of work to do…you’re welcome. 
Here you go:
1. Choose 5 up-and-coming blogs to give the Liebster Blog Award to. (Blogs must have less than 200 followers.)
2. Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.

3. Post the award on your blog.

4. List the bloggers you gave the award to with links to their sites, and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they’ve received the award.
And I will – gladly.
5. Share five random facts about yourself!

Have fun!!

He, not me

When I hear sad news (like tonight) or am weighed down by this thing called life, I try to always remember to pray first. Having a quiet moment or lots of quiet moments to ask my gracious Father in heaven to heal, help, be near to those suffering is something I treasure. At my confirmation in eighth grade I was blessed with this passage: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 Jesus goes on to point out that even we sinful human beings can give love and blessings to our children, how much more blessings will our perfect Heavenly Father give to those who ask of Him.

I have always had a difficult time asking for help. I always want to do things myself no matter what it is. It’s a seriously annoying personality trait. I kind of wonder if my pastor sensed that tendency about me and gave me this passage as constant reminder. I know for sure Jesus did. He says come to me when I’m weary and burdened, sad and distraught. Come by prayer. Lay my requests at the foot of the cross and know with all certainty that He hears my prayers. He is always with me.

Psalm 121 is one of my favorites because it shows who it is that I am praying to:

I lift up my eyes to the hills;
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
 the maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip–
He who watches over you will not slumber
indeed, He who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you–
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, 
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm–
He will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

As I look over those words I can’t help but see how few times that “I” am the subject of the sentence…the one doing the work. It isn’t how I can fix things or make things better…it’s HIM, my God and Father in heaven. He is the one who is in control. He is the healer, comforter, Savior. The Almighty God is who I am praying to. How much comfort and strength I receive when that thought is my focus. I need to get better at reading God’s words, my Bible, daily. I definitely cannot count on myself to remember His words and stay focused on who’s really in control and guiding my life. 

So, tonight I’m praying. Praying to my gracious, ever-faithful Father. Praying for my own family, for Cassie, for Dave & his family, for Lori’s aunt, for all those whose struggles I don’t know about.

Dear Father,
My heart is heavy and sad. There is so much sadness and sickness in this world. Please be near those who are suffering. Give them hope and strength, comfort and faith. Help them to see that You know their pain and will do all things for their good. If it be your will, heal their diseases and give them years of blessed service to you on this earth. If there are ways that I can help them, Lord, show me. Make me a reflection of your love. I know you hear my humble requests through your Son, Jesus. Thank you, dear Lord.
In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

*Photo credit: the photo is a dear friend, Cassie Husby (, photo by Hyer Images (

Looking Back…

I’ve been more reflective this week than usual and today especially. It was exactly this week last year that I realized I had fully lost my mind. Yup, I went crazy. I mean like rocking back and forth, unable to eat or sleep, barely putting two words together to form a coherent sentence…crazy. 

I couldn’t handle the idea of Matt leaving for work without breaking out into sobs and serious sweats. I kept worrying about what I would do if Laura didn’t nap while he was gone. What would I do with her? Then I would think, what if she does sleep and I try to sleep and she wakes up…what then? I was convinced Laura hated me and that I couldn’t give her what she needed, that if left in my care, she wouldn’t thrive. Yup, certifiably crazy. 

A year ago I totally became a different person. For the first time in my life I couldn’t control my thoughts, my body, or my actions. Poor Mathew. God bless that man forever for being so strong and giving me whatever I needed to ease my crazy mind. He would just tell me to repeat to myself that “I am okay in this moment.” That is how I survived in the beginning. Just repeating (out loud while rocking back and forth) that I was okay in that moment. Things just kept getting worse. I went over 72 hours without being able to sleep. I lost I don’t even know how much weight because I couldn’t eat. The worst was the anger, fear, and sadness when I held my newborn, sweet Laura. I wanted nothing to do with her. 

Then…it got worse. I can admit it now for the sake of mothers who may be struggling with this and for my own healing…I wanted her gone. (By the way, I want to bawl and vomit as I write this part). I wanted nothing to do with her. (Big breath, Katie. You can say this because it’s not true and wasn’t your fault….) I wanted to hurt her. It was at that very moment that I knew I needed help. I went to Matt sobbing hysterically telling him I couldn’t do it without help. And without hesitation and full of pure faith in God that we’d be able to pay our bills, he told me to fly my mom back down here. (I have tears now just thinking about how amazing of a man God blessed me with.) Debbers, being the incredible person she is, called the church and told them she’d be gone for while (she’s a church secretary) and told me not to worry, she’d be there soon. 

Words cannot describe what Matt and my mom did for me during that time. God used them in ways I’m not sure they’ll ever understand to bring me out of the depths of postpartum depression. I shudder even thinking about what could have happened to Laura and myself if God hadn’t given me the help I needed. It was nothing short of pure grace. My mom came and I could sleep, actually sleep knowing Laura was being taken care of and it didn’t have to be me. I could focus on getting better. The medication kicked in and my many sessions with my counselor made it possible for me to function again. It took a full month for me to wake up and feel like myself again…to feel like the cloud and haze was gone…to be able to hold and LOVE my little girl. 

PPD robbed me of two months with Laura…thankfully, today, you’d never ever know. That sweet & sassy little girl (who is currently gabbing away in her crib…not sleeping…and guess who’s not freaking out?? This momma!!!) comes to me for comfort, for play, for nourishment, for LOVE. God is so good. He never left me. He carried me. He picked me up through the people in my life who rescued me when I was at my absolute worst. I’m forever grateful to Him, Mathew, and my mom for helping when I couldn’t move out of it. I’m a stay-at-home mom and remarkably Laura is THRIVING and added bonus…so am I. 

Dear Father, 
Thank you for never leaving or forsaking me. Thank you for Matt and my mom. Thank you for medication, doctors, and therapists. Thank you for Laura and her resilience. Thank for rescuing me. Thank for this blessed life.
In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

For information about PostPartum Depression, check the following website: They also have an amazing facebook group! So many survivors and support!