This week I have a few opportunities to step outside my comfort zone (and out of my house…yay!) to get together with others moms and little ones. I can already say that my palms are a little bit sweaty. Contrary to what most people think about me (that I am an uber-confident, full of self-esteem mega mom hahahaha!) I get EXTREMELY nervous meeting and talking with new people. I’ve been known to break out in a full on sweat-fest from my hairline to my toes (Gross, I know. Just think how I feel!). There’s just something about striking up and carrying on a conversation with a small group of new peeps that sends my mind reeling. Ask me to give a speech in front of a huge auditorium full of strangers and I’m golden, no sweat, no pain. But, give me a tiny group of 3 and I’m borderline panicking.
I’ve avoided places, parties, and functions for fear of the sweat factor & the intense nerves. From my high school years on I can recall feeling like this more often than not. Working with my counselor and gaining some much needed self-confidence helped beyond belief when I lived in Orlando but down here in FM, I’m struggling again. I worry that instead of seeing me, people I meet with see my shortcomings & failures, cast judgement, and subsequently avoid future convos with Sweaty McGee, I mean, me. 😉 Even writing that now I see how truly absurd it is. I need to remind myself that 99% of people that I talk with are not even thinking about me. That selfish human nature is inside all of us, so why would I think they’d be focusing so intently on me???
More than anything I need the reminder that instead of seeing the sinner in me, there’s the blood-bought saint that can be shining forth. Again, it’s not about me. I am a child of God, bought by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus my Savior. That is who people should be seeing when they look at me, hear my words, and see my actions. Jesus said in His sermon on the Mount, “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:14-16).
Rather than spend time and energy worrying about whether or not people will see my failures, sins, and shortcomings, I can focus on showing them Jesus, His love, grace, gentleness, and mercy. Oddly enough, that thought takes a whole lot of pressure off of me. I can go into this week with a peace, joy, and excitement at being given the opportunity to let my light shine.
Ah, I feel better now. 🙂
Thank you for always being with me. Thank you for giving me opportunities to share my faith and be a witness of your grace. Give me a calm and gentle mind so that I can focus on being a mirror of your love to those I meet.
In your name I pray, Amen.