When You Look at Me, What Do You See?

I’m a reflective person by nature. Overanalytical. Deep. Constantly going back over how I’ve acted. Lately, I’ve been struggling…bigtime with this question: when people see me, what do they see?

I’m not talking about the frazzled mommy of a toddler. No, much more than that. Do people see Jesus when they meet me? In my words. In my actions. In my very being…do people see Jesus?

Jesus was all loving, ever-forgiving, selfless, humble, peaceful, and so much more. 

Honestly, I don’t even come close. I’d venture to say I’m the mere antithesis of Jesus by nature. It breaks my heart to think of how I’ve represented Him on a daily, personal basis. I’m a lazy, short-tempered, self-centered, speak without thinking, judgmental, gossiping sinner. There’s no heavier feeling I’ve experienced in my life than when I’m completely honest with who I am by myself and have come to grips with how sinful I really am. Given the choice, I choose myself, instead of Jesus and others, almost every time. It’s bringing tears to my eyes because I’ve failed so miserably to reflect the person of Christ. I’ve by nature done the opposite of showing Jesus 9.9 times out of 10. My sinful mind is definitely hostile to God and all that He is. When I come face to face with my sins like I have recently, I feel void, empty, destitute, hopeless.

“He (God) lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” Psalm 40:2, yup, a pit…heavy muddy, sin-filled pit of guilt and pure shame.

But He lifts me up. Thankfully, by inexpressible grace, Jesus took this weight and put it on His shoulders. He bore my burdens, this guilt and shame, all the sins I’ve wallowed in and washed them in His blood. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Christ, who being God himself, died…because of me and for me. What grace. What love. It’s incomprehensible to me. That by nothing of my own, by no merit or work of mine, He gave his life–his holy and perfect life–to pick up and take on my sins, die a horrid death on a cross only to be himself separated from God’s love…to save me. Me, the worst of sinners, has been washed clean. 

Now I have tears of joy & gratitude (those words don’t even begin to describe). No more void but a heart and soul bursting with I want nothing more than when people see me that they see past me to Jesus, the Savior, full of love. Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” What an undeserved blessing. Not only have I been saved from certain eternal death and unspeakable anguish in this world and after, but I’ve been filled with peace and hope beyond words without having to wait and suffer. Jesus’ love is astounding. It actually changes my very way of seeing myself and others around me. My earnest prayer is that with His never-failing help I can cling to this so that others will see Him. Make me nothing so that He is everything. 

Dear Jesus,
A thank you is not enough…words cannot say how thankful I am. Help me to be nothing to myself so that you and your love are everything. Make me see others with your eyes and your love. Help me see myself with your eyes, through your resurrection. Help me cling to you always so that my soul may be full of your grace so much that it can’t help but pour out of me.
In your name, I pray. Amen.