Oh. My. Goodness. The inevitable is here. The moment I knew would come no matter how I try to slow time down… My sweet, spunky four-year old starts preschool tomorrow.
And this Mommy is a mess.
Everyone said time would fly by. Even now it seems cliché to say it. But, my goodness, four years gone…in the blink of an eye. About a week ago I had my first– of what I can only assume will be many–weepfests. Like ugly cry…all out sobbing. It was quite the spectacle. My ever-so-patient husband just kept trying to bring me back to reality saying, “It’s not like she’s going away to college.” I understand what he’s saying. I really do but…
There’s so much more wrapped up into this “L goes to preschool” gig than I anticipated. I have this urge to contact all the former parents who entrusted me with their precious gifts when I was a teacher and simply say,”I get it now.” I keep finding these doubts creeping up. What if she isn’t really ready? What if she gets scared? sad? hurt? What if someone is mean to her? Oh goodness, what if she’s mean to another child?
The truth is all of those things will probably happen. I was a teacher. I can say with utmost certainty, they will happen. And there isn’t anything I can do to stop it.
Then my Mommy mind really spins into mad land. This happened too quickly. I didn’t make the most of my time at home with her. We should’ve gone to the library more, the park, music class. How can any teacher know her well enough? Understand her intricacies the way only I do?
But I’m not the only one who knows her, am I? There is One who knows her and guards her far better than I ever could imagine.
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith!” In Luke 12, Jesus gives my weary mind a solid reason to pause. Our good and immeasurably gracious Father in heaven knows us to the very fiber and core of our being. And not only knows all of our intricacies but loves us beyond our feeble comprehension. So much love that he sent Jesus to rid us of the need for any worry. We have nothing to fear. I don’t need be afraid of what could happen, hasn’t happened, should’ve happened but didn’t…all because none of that can rob my dear girl of the precious gift of salvation. It’s guaranteed. Done. Complete. Ready and waiting for her. So even if she struggles or has bad moments, He won’t leave her. His promise still remains entirely secure. Heaven is hers.
And she doesn’t go alone. What happens during her time in school, away from me, cannot threaten the firm hold He has. His angels are with her every step she takes. And even more so, He is with her every moment of every day. The One who formed her, died and rose for her, provides for her, loves her beyond what I could ever even try to, walks with her, never leaving or forsaking her.
And that grace–it extends to this tired Momma, too. Looking back at those worries and fears I wrote above, I can only help but feel weak, helpless, and simply…not enough. Jesus has words of comfort for me, too: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough. But Jesus is. He did what I can’t do no matter how hard I try. He loves me and my child with an unconditional. everlasting love. One that doesn’t waver, doesn’t falter…an incomprehensibly perfect love. He has forgiven my inability, my “not being enough.” It’s not on my record somewhere. There’s no report card of my parenting skills waiting for me. Instead, it’s Jesus that the Heavenly Father sees when He looks at me. How amazing. How undeserved. How much grace.
So, I still may cry tomorrow. Who are we kidding? I will definitely cry tomorrow. I may miss my little one while she’s at school. But there’s no more what ifs, should’ves, and could’ves.
Instead there’s grace. Instead there’s Jesus.