How Did They Let That Happen???

“How did they let that happen?” I am so embarrassed to admit this now but I have thought or said these words about parents too many times to count. I might possibly have been one of the most judgmental parents before I had one of my own…especially before today.

Today, the unthinkable happened. My sweet Laura-love flipped herself off the changing table landing smack on the back on her body, heading smacking back on the floor. Even writing what happened now makes me want to vomit. I was standing right next to her…less than a foot away from her…how did I let that happen? I was turned sideways but what still right there…how did I let that happen?

Her reaction makes me feel even sicker. She held her breath for a moment or lost her breath, I’m not sure. Then she let out a blood curdling scream as I picked her up and tried to comfort her. She cried so hard…harder than she has ever cried…how did I let that happen? Her eyes wobbling and glazed over…how did I let that happen?

We took her to the ER. We were those parents…the frazzled, sobbing (on my part), complete train wrecks terrified that our precious gift from God was somehow irreversibly damaged…how did I let that happen? Being our spunky lil’ LL, she was laughing and playing by now as well as eating, charming the pants off anyone who walked by. We were fast tracked to the see the doctor, though…how did I let that happen?

She’s all checked out and seemingly no physical damage or otherwise done to my sweet girl. Thank God for His incredible protection. Still…how did I let that happen? She needs to be watched for the next 24 hours to be sure everything is just fine but as of right now, she’s our same little girl as always. 

The damage to my nerves & dare I speak for the hubs, his, too, are less than fine, far less than the same. How did I let that happen? I keep going over it, second by second, and can’t figure out why, this one freaking time, I didn’t strap her down. EVERY SINGLE TIME since she’s started squirming & rolling & crawling, I have strapped her down…except this one time. How did I let that happen? What was I thinking? What was I so preoccupied with that I missed that one small step that I harp on everyone else about? How did I become the seemingly careless parent whose baby got hurt? Was I rushing? For what? What the hell happened?

I don’t think that anytime in the near future that I won’t become physically ill when I think about what happened or even worse, what could have happened to my sweet baby love. But I have to trust that God forgives me, Laura forgives me, my husband forgives, and hopefully I forgive myself. God sent His amazing angels to cushion her little head and body. How indescribably merciful He is. His mercies are new every morning. He will command His angels concerning us to guard us in all our ways…I have to trust and stop wondering why…and stop ever judging another parent for what was an accident. 

Dear Father in heaven, thank you beyond words for never ceasing to take care of our sweet Laura in spite of us. Forgive me of my daily failures as a parent. Forgive me for today. Ease my mind and give me peace & trust that You are in control and there are no better hands for us to be in. Heal Laura & restore her fully to the precious blessing, healthy & happy, that she has always been. Give me strength to resist the temptation to blame & beat myself up for what happened. Help me to stop questioning this accident but rather leave it at the foot of the cross. Help me to never, ever, judge another parent for the simple mistakes that can happen so easily. Give us rest and comfort knowing you never slumber nor sleep and always have a watchful eye and loving hand over us. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.